Where is my baby?
Posted by: Lakshmi on: December 7, 2009
- In: A
- 15 Comments
The little girl is talking a lot these days. Everything has turned around in the last two-three months, a sudden twist from a baby to a toddler who talks up the world. The girl who used to be scared of her little sister when she raised her voice now talks back. She tells her sister: “Don’t do that, ok?”. It is a battle some days, with us parents not knowing what to do when both of them want the same thing at the same time.
And here she is, trying to help her mom with chores. It is a topic for another post how they are all interested in doing new things and then later realize that it is not fun anymore, but a chore.
On saturday our friends stopped by. They are a couple who do not have children yet. They are fond of our girls and were asking little A whether she wanted to go with them and the two year old nodded her head. V and I tried to dissuade them saying she is not yet potty trained and moreover has not gone with anyone else in the car. We told them that as soon as they leave the driveway, she will cry asking for mommy and daddy(little did we know!). They were convinced that she will be fine and she too seemed upbeat and let our friend P put on her socks, shoes and jackets. V transferred a car seat to their car and packed some food and her diaper bag. It was good that I had to take S for a christmas carols practice around that time, so I did not have time to think about what was going on.
About an hour and a half later, as soon as we got out of S’s pracitce, I called V. He went: “They took our baby away. I do not know what to do at home without her!” He seemed very lost. They had not called so far, which meant A was ok with them. We were secretly excited that our little girl was enjoying all the attention they were giving her. As soon as S and I got home, S had her dinner and we decided to go get A. In the car, S started saying that she missed A. When we reached there, we found A ready to go to bed. They said she ate dinner with them and played with some toys there. She was happily talking and conversing with them and did not cry at all. She was happy to see us, but did not seem in a hurry to leave!
That night after kids were in bed, V and I were talking about this. A has been to daycare and has had babysitters at home. And now she has gone out without us! Where is time flying? The little girl who just turned two is already ready for sleepover? Hmm, we are not ready yet!! Or on second thoughts, may be we can now take up our friends’ offer sometime and catch “Up in the air” when it is out!
Here are the eights….
Posted by: Lakshmi on: December 3, 2009
- In: Me
- 9 Comments
Nancy tagged me last week, and I was quite excited especially this being my first tag.
8 TV shows I like to watch:
1. Seinfeld
2. Friends
3. Everybody loves Raymond
4. Oprah
5. Saturday Night Live
6. Bill Cosby’s show
7. Full House
8. Sex and the city
8 favorite places to eat
1. Home, sweet home
2. Indian Coffee house – love the cutlets there
3. Bharat Tourist Home, Kochi – great lunch served in banana leaf
4. Bimbis, Kochi – love their chana bhatura
5. Woodlands, Chennai – value lunch
6. Saravana Bhavan, mainly Chennai, but mostly anywhere
7. Olive Garden, a chain here in US
8. Baskin Robbins, if eating a brownie sundae counts
8 things I look forward to
1. Upcoming trip to California during Christmas; will get to see some family and friends after a while
2. S’s Christmas break
3. Spending more time with parents, in laws and extended family
4. Europe vacation whenever it happens
5. Getting better with my short temper
6. Eat out with friends
7. Ending of the current recession
8. Pick up few things to stay active at home
8 things that happened yesterday
1. Helped out in S’s class
2. Went to Wal-Mart to pick up a headphone for S to use in her class. Her original one was found broken one day and as per the teacher no one knows what happened!
3. Took A to doctor and got prescription for ear infection
4. After dinner, went with kids to the mall and let them play
5. Picked up some books and DVDs at library. Chatted with the check out lady whose son also plays Soccer with S. She was commenting on how expensive her 3 year old’s ballet lessons are. I shared the story of S dropping out of ballet recently, because she just does not like it.
6. Played a dress up addition game in the internet with S. She had to shop shirt, pants and shoes with price adding up to a number given. She had fun for about 8 rounds before she realized that this was more work than play.
7. Talked to my sister by phone. She is going back to her place after two months stay at home. We were discussing her transitions and life with new baby this winter.
8. Ran across our neighbor’s son in grocery store. He is in his first year of college and works two jobs. He is a really good kid, gets good grades, pays himself mostly through college. He even had a lawn mowing business with his friends when he was in high school.
8 things I love about winter
1. Christmas – carols and decorations everywhere
2. Instant gratification to heat when stepping indoors
3. View of fresh snow on trees
4. Making snowman with kids. We usually get at least one snow every year, will be lucky if we had more.
5. New year – new hopes and resolutions
6. Vacation – since Christmas is usually a week plus shutdown at work, we usually get time to travel
7. Soft drinks stay cold in the car, no need to refrigerate!
8. Fire place. Our current one is electric and is barely warm, but still get the look of fire and little warmth.
8 things on my wish list
1. A career where I work on my own terms and schedule
2. Start back on my swim lessons and work outs
3. Lose those last 10 pounds that has been in my radar for last 6 months plus
4. Make a difference to others, things under consideration are – read to children who do not have that luxury currently, help victims of domestic violence
5. Bring my temper down
6. Be closer to family
7. Get out of my comfort zone at times
8. Eat more veggies
8 things I am passionate about
1. Family
2. Friends
3. Reading
4. Movies
5. Food – Indian, Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Thai
6. Travelling
7. Perseverance
8. Sleep
8 words or phrases I use often
1. More later
2. Take care
3. Talk to you soon
4. You too
5. Love ya
6. Sorry
7. Good Night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light
8. Thank you
8 things I learnt from the past
1. Do not lose a single friend, each and every one of them matter.
2. It is important to voice your opinion when you feel the urge first time; or it could be too late
3. Sharing is caring
4. Hugs are never enough
5. Short temper can be disastrous
6. Patience is the key to cooking good food
7. Try try try again until you succeed
8. Your smile will always be remembered
8 places I would love to go, visit or see
1. Europe
2. Alaska
3. Hawaii
4. Taj Mahal
5. Bahamas
6. Himalayas
7. Kashmir
8. Florida keys
8 things I currently need or want
1. A daily routine
2. A Wii Fit
3. A good movie to make me laugh
4. Starbucks Java chip Frappuccino
5. Cure for all allergies; especially for my littler one
6. One nice cell phone
7. A pedicure
8. A hot cup of coffee with warm pakodas
Ok, pardon me if I am retagging anyone here. I tag:
Garima
(Over)parenting and more…
Posted by: Lakshmi on: November 24, 2009
- In: A| Parenting| S
- 11 Comments
I came across this article in the latest issue of Time.
As with anything I started relating this to our parenting style. V and I are totally different. He likes to leave children alone and let them be, where as I like to be more involved. I found many of the instances in this article funny. Still sometimes I wonder if we try to finetune our children’s lives.
In many instances, I have felt that parents want their children to fulfill their dreams. If the parent wanted to be a doctor and could not, then their next hope is to make their child a doctor. At the same time there are many other parents who just let their children be. It takes lot of confidence to do that. It takes some courage to let the child make mistakes and learn, to hold back the urge to step in during every little challenge in life. It takes effort to not force our beliefs and convictions onto them and rather let them be free thinkers.
I read “Olive Kitteridge” by Elizabeth Strout last week. The main character is Olive, who is an overbearing mom and wife who controls the household too much. There is a remark in the book to the effect that when someone goes to therapy, they tend to resemble their parents. It got me thinking on how much parenting style can affect children. There is more to life than basic necessities. The way we parent our children has great influence in how they develop and the effect it has is different on each child depending on the personality.
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V mentioned about “Betawave” last week, where they are developing strategies to market products through gaming. They have plans to market almost everything including “Pampers” and “Pepsi” through games. I am a fan of technology, but sometimes am overwhelmed by it. As such a lot of people, especially the younger generation spends considerable amount of their awake time glued to games. If some parent thought it was time well spent than seeing all the advertisements in TV, that hope is gone. Now there will be more repurcussions. They will come out after playing games, asking for this particular brand of jeans or this particular brand of cereal.
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Amidst all these thoughts, we needed a movie like “Duplicity” to lighten up
. Julia Roberts is awesome. As we sat down to watch this movie about which I have heard mixed reviews, I told V: “I can watch even the worst movie if Julia Roberts is in it”. I enjoyed the movie.
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I went and helped in S’s class one day and had lunch with her. I am learning about the school system here, since this is my first child in school and this is her first year. S seems to have a great time in the class with the teacher and her friends. She keeps referring to her drama teacher, music teacher, counsellor, librarian and gym teacher at home all the time with great enthusiasm, which is comforting.
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I am finding it hard to make my 2 year old to keep her hair band. She keeps taking it off and it is a pity seeing the upper half of her face being hidden under her hair. She seems to like it that way. But my FIL keeps saying that children will have vision issues if hair kept falling in their face. She is developing a personality; keeps mixing up names of idly / chappathi and dosa, tells us “J(G)ood job, am proud of you!” when we do something that she finds praiseworthy
Now I am looking forward to thanksgiving; meeting up with friends and may be a day trip.
Lifeline
Posted by: Lakshmi on: November 19, 2009
- In: Family
- 12 Comments
My speed dial #2 is my lifeline. I can call the number anytime, day or night and within minutes I become cheerful. I have called at 3 am and have cried. I never used to hide my emotions. As years passed I learnt to not cry for every single thing, not share every single pain and learnt to accept life. As kids came along and life became busier the calls were shorter sometimes and frequency lesser. Sometimes when I call and even if I do not say anything, they know from my voice that I need an extra hug. From miles away they cheer me up. They are my cheerleaders. Many times I feel I have not given back, not paid back. I hope one day I will get to.
Today we got H1N1 shots and S was surprisingly upset. From the time she turned one, she has not cried or cringed for a single shot. But today she was extra whiny and complaining about the pain. I too got the same shot and felt different. She said that it is too painful for her to walk! I carried her to her shower. And I told her playfully: “I wish my mom carried me too.” And she went: “Your mom is not here. Even if she is here, she cannot carry you. You are bigger and she is smaller.” She is true my mom cannot carry me these days. But a single call to her can lift my spirits way up.
This evening I was upset and when cooking as onions made me cry, I cried longer. I used it as an excuse for crying. I needed to vent. I knew whom to call. I called speed dial #2, my home. My sister picks the phone. She has the most cheerful voice. We chat about her new baby, who is just two months old. We talk about impending end of her maternity leave and returning to work. We make fun of why mom is finding it hard to find a new servant (She is rigid in her ways a little bit and has fought many times with our long time servant who stayed with us for 30 years, who recently retired due to old age). My mom comes online; we chat about everyone in the family and catch up on things. I tell her that I am busier these days with not working than when I was working and she makes fun of me. As I hang up 45 minutes later, I am happy.
I am thankful for such unconditional love that parents give us children. I hope I am able to give my children at least a percentage of that. Some of my vivid recollections include my father always walking from bus stop to home instead of taking an auto, he sitting by my sister or I when we had fevers checking our fever frequently, my mother staying up late in the night with me when I studied and bringing me horlicks and biscuits even when she had to go to office next morning, and most recently making frequent trips to our home here in US, enduring day long plane journeys to spend time with us and their grandchildren. 
I feel more need to let them know how blessed I feel. They might say that this is what all parents do and shrug it off. But to me it matters, the call matters, the talk matters, the uplifting matters. And I should let them know. I feel I do not tell this to them enough, do not stress enough how much they matter to me. And every time I say this, they smile and nod as if they always know what I think.
Sunshine cleaning
Posted by: Lakshmi on: November 16, 2009
- In: Movies
- 8 Comments
I got to watch the movie ”Sunshine cleaning” this weekend. It was categorized as a comedy drama, but was more thought provoking than I expected. Movie revolves around the life of two sisters, their dad and son of the older sister. It was a very simple movie that really touches heart by portraying difficult phases in life such as doing odd jobs to make ends meet, left over pain from a dear one committing suicide, mixed emotions of an affair with a man while he is married and fathering children with another woman, continued perseverance of a failed salesman, hardship of a girl who always seems to mess things up, and several other emotional nuances in life.
I was really touched by the emotions in the movie. In lot of outdoor scenes, I was sidetracked by the beautiful shots of blue skies of New Mexico. Amy Grant and Emily Blunt have done a marvelous job justifying their characters. However every other actor has also done a fabulous job that the entire movie is very hearty and feels genuine. It left me with some lasting pain, and some of the scenes will be etched in my mind for next several days. The movie has a positive ending though; leaving reassurance that there are solutions to problems.
There is a situation when the school principal recommends that the little boy be sent to special classes because he behaves indifferently. At that point mother decides that she needs to pull him out of that school and send him to private school instead, which she cannot afford from her income as a cleaning lady. Her boyfriend (presumably the boy’s dad) who works in crime scenes recommends that she start a crime scene cleanup service which is apparently very lucrative. She and her sister take it up as a business. The messiness of the job involved, the blood, the stink, the trash etc repels them initially. (Later she seems to like the job due to the nature of connecting with people who have just lost someone.)
This movie left me with thoughts about people who are forced to do jobs they do not like; how do they do it in the long run? Also will parents be willing to do anything for their children? And also curiosity about how some people have long term affairs outside their marriage and are capable of dealing with multiple relationships at the same time. Are they not betraying both their relationships, the marriage and the affair?
Sardines
Posted by: Lakshmi on: November 12, 2009
- In: A| Family| S
- 15 Comments
Last week S came home with a great score in one of her worksheets and her dad said she can pick a treat she wanted. She opted to dine out at Applebees, which is her favorite restaurant. The reason being that they have her favorite corn dogs which we never cook or buy at home. We celebrate every little thing in our family; as we all are ice cream lovers we mostly end up in Baskin Robbins.
S has been in soccer classes this Fall and did not seem very keen in the game as such. She was very interested in going to first few classes and then for almost a month there were no games due to bad weather. And then she did not want to go back to classes, mainly because she could not score any goals. And last saturday was the final game and she scored a goal. She was elated and we were too. She had kind of given up in the game and we were thinking of not sending her next season and now she wants to go back. Long story short, this called for a treat as well. S wanted ice cream from Baskin Robbins this time.
We were eating out a lot last week and then more again with the pizza party we had at home for A’s birthday. So when yesterday she came back from school with another perfect score, we told her let us not eat out and instead let her give us three choices to pick from. Luckily she bought into the idea. Her choices were:
- Eat chocolate
- Get a toy
- Play a game
She gave one sheet to me to choose from and one to her dad. We both picked the last option: to play a game(the easiest and the safest!). She decided we will play Sardines. Well, V and I had never played it before and it turned out be a pretty nice game. It is a variation of hide and seek, explained very easily in wikipedia as “In this variant, only one person hides and the others must then find the person that’s hiding and hide with them. The last person to find the group that’s hiding is the loser.” We had a great time playing the game. It was kind of nice that three of us will be looking for the hiding person and then one will suddenly disappear. We had fun time hiding together whispering and giggling(now V is also forced to giggle as we girls are majority here!) Even little A enjoyed playing it, cuddling with everyone in the dark closet or under the blanket or a pillow.
It was a nice way to celebrate, giving a break to our teeth and stomach, a nice evening spent together as family in the nooks and corners of our home. Another surprise was as we were counting together and little A went Nineteen. We did not know she knew numbers after ten!
This brought back memories from childhood; all cousins playing hide and seek in the land around the house, behind the trees and bushes. There was lot of running to do to seek.
Now we are wondering what S will ask for future celebrations, need to invent ideas other than eating out…
Best way to keep up with updates?
Posted by: Lakshmi on: November 10, 2009
I have come across a bunch of interesting blogs in the last several months. Right now I have bookmarked them and whenever time permits I check for updates. I have come across terms like google reader, blogroll etc. I have just set up a subscription in wordpress and entered some of my frequented blogs there.
What do you all use? Why do you like it? Please share if you have got a minute.
PS: Thanks for all the birthday wishes and comments so far. A had a great party. This is my second day of staying home and time seems to fly by so fast. I have not been able to blog hop much. I have enrolled A in her daycare for two half days a week so that she still gets interaction with her age kids. She is there this morning and hence this quick post.
Happy Birthday
Posted by: Lakshmi on: November 6, 2009
- In: A| Family
- 14 Comments
Little A, you are turning two tomorrow. Here is a quick compilation of your recent milestones that my “mommy memory” can recollect. There are probably many more that I keep repeating to your daddy in awe, but recently events are slipping off my memory. So, pardon me if I missed some that you thought were really worth mentioning here.
- You have been singing happy birthday to yourself.
- You keep saying that it is your birthday and you will be 2.
- Big sister S has been teaching you how to blow a candle.
- You keep reminding your big sister: “Listen to mommy; Mommy will walk out, (o)kay?” (I seem to be a tyrant!).
- You run to daddy and mommy saying “Akka is bothering me.”
- And you keep saying that stapler pins are dangerous.
- You listen to the door alarm every time it opens and say: “Daddy is home”
- Whenever I sing along with the cd in the car you say “Stop singing Mommy!”
- Every time S gets a time out, you feel sad, your face droops and you keep saying “My S!”.
- Every time you get a “boo boo”, you want a kiss and after that immediately you utter “Feel better”!
- You love to sing: “B I N G O and Bingo was his namo!”
- You love “Mommy and Me” and “Barney” and it is very cute to see you climb up the TV stand to get the DVD out and pop it in the player.
- You want to do anything and everything that your sister does. It is amazing how easily you can upset her by wanting the same sheet that she is coloring and the same marker that she is using.
- You are such a chocolate lover that it is very easy to get you to have medicine once I bring couple of m&ms to your sight.
- It is cute to see you take three gummy bear vitamins every morning and keep one for you in one hand and carry the other two in the other hand for your sister.
- When one of us says that it is not like that, you say: “It is” or “I am”. We just love the way you talk these days.
- You have stopped crying at doctor appointments and did not cry at all for your last vaccination. The nurse, doctor and I were surprised because till now you used to scream from the moment they took weight at each appointment.
- You have almost started to sleep through night (sleep at least till 3.30 am before asking for milk! I do not blame you as my throat gets dry too at night). Your daddy and mommy have not slept through night for almost 2 years and are very excited about this milestone.
- Your daycare teacher Charity tells me: “I asked A where her mom was and she said: Mommy is at work with Charity’s mom!” It is true that Charity’s mom is my colleague, but we both inferred that you thought that your teacher was just like the rest of you, whose mom just keeps dropping her off in the morning on her way to work!
I can go on and on, can’t I? It is almost half an hour since I started writing this post!
We are excitedly looking forward to your birthday party tomorrow. We are looking at you and delighted at the long way you have come from that tiny 7 pound baby who was a trooper fighting her baby jaundice under blue lights in the hospital for more than two weeks. This reminds me, I better get a card and a box of donuts for your pediatrician and her staff and the lab staff who were so nice to you and us during those times. Your blood test was a daily STAT order for more than a month and during thanksgiving weekend the nurse chuckled: “Hopefully we won’t see you on Christmas!” Daddy and I remember both your tiny feet being full of needle marks and at some point they could not find a vein to pull blood to check your jaundice levels and they poked your hand. I fell in love with your Daddy again for taking off from work indefinitely during those days and always holding you tight and whispering to you that it will be all right when expecting your scream as the needle struck. And I am so thankful to your grandparents who kept the home front going and taking care of your big sister while we were busy with hospital runs. And lot of thanks to all our friends who helped us in many many ways. These all seem like so way past as we see you running around and sometimes walking, clasping your hands in your back just like your grandfather! This is a reminder for us to remember and appreciate all the nice people who held our hands through our tough times. And for you to remember that your life has been touched by so many from the beginning.
Happy Birthday Dear. We love you tons.
Care to share?
Posted by: Lakshmi on: November 3, 2009
- In: Family| Lessons| Parenting
- 11 Comments
I am a mother of two girls. I dream about my girls growing up to be self reliant and able to make educated decisions about their lives. The article below provoked some questions in me.
And here is a link to Highlights Magazine’s state of the kid which reflects on this from kids’ point of view.
When children see their mom as homemaker, do they fall into the assumption that a woman’s role is to take care of the house and the man’s role is to work outside of home? Even when the mom works outside just as well as the dad, does she do more household chores and hence create such a notion in children? How do we educate children to be less gender biased in terms of household roles?
My husband and I do almost every chore in the house. We take turns in taking children to classes, shopping, to take car for servicing, mowing the lawn, cooking etc. There is in fact nothing that only mom or dad does in our household; our roles are almost interchangeable even though we each have some preferred chores and disliked chores. We did not consciously start doing it, and I do not remember us sitting down and creating a pact. Somehow the beliefs we share led us to behave in this manner.
I think it is easier on us in terms of gender bias among children, as we do not have boys. I am curious to see how things turn up when we visit India. All their immediate cousins are boys and it will be interesting to see if there is any preferential treatment.
Growing up, I have seen several of my girlfriends who excelled in studies but were not given a chance to go for higher education. Instead they were taught how to cook, clean and take care of the house and were married off. Sometimes the reason is that the family’s financial resources are limited and they want to divide the money into education for sons and marriage for the girls. Even if middle class families spend money and educate their girls, they will have to spend for their marriage as well. When they cannot do both, they cut down on education and instead focus on the marriage. I see it as a disadvantage. When girls are not given the freedom to explore, they lack the outlook to make wise decisions for their family. In many cases they rely upon their husband/father/brother for guidance. I think this also puts pressure on men to be solely responsible for decisions due to the lack of healthy debate and exchange of ideas.
In my immediate family there are examples where sons were pampered too much that they cannot stand up for themselves. There is one cousin who comes home after work and settles down on the sofa and tea and snacks are served to him by his mom. He got married and could not get himself adjusted to taking up responsibilities of a married man and eventually got divorced. He is like a brother to me, but many of us could not do much for him, for his mother always takes care of him and does not want to expose him to hardships of lives. I cannot imagine what his future will be.
I believe that as parents, we all should love our children and dote on them. At the same time we should be ready to let go. We should let them do chores around the house and teach them to pick up after themselves. It is not a sign of not loving. It is empowering. I am glad my parents did that to me and I do the same to my kids. And I am glad that my husband and I share similar beliefs in bringing up our children. I have seen that in many families, the children and father are on one team and mother is usually dismissed during important decision making around the house.
What are some ways in which we can help children overcome gender bias in household chores?
Boo…
Posted by: Lakshmi on: November 2, 2009
- In: Family
- 11 Comments
S was a bride this Halloween – she picked out the costume and shoes to go with it. V gave her an idea to ask the boys the question: “Will you marry me?”. S thought that was fun and started asking. It was hilarious to see the reaction from little boys. Some of them frowned, thought for a while and still looked puzzled. One thought for few seconds and said: “NO”. After her trick or treating, S took off her costume and was giving out candies. She forgot she was no longer a bride and asked a boy: “Will you marry me?”. And he was totally wondering why! We all had a great laugh that night.
A did not dress up this time, stayed home with me and handed out candies. She was amused to see several dress ups, and kept on repeating: “scary monster”! The one that caught her was Frankenstein. She screamed at the sight of him and ran inside. The Frankenstein got scared as well, he too ran away. He did not want to miss out on candies, so he came back and got them. The funny thing was he kept coming back, came to our home three times that night to get candies.
S and her friends traded candies once they came back from trick or treat. They put the candies they did not like in the bag of candies we were giving away. We were amused to see that some candies they were parting were the ones we adults considered good and the ones they were keeping were the ones we do not generally go for!
Yesterday, a girl from S’s dance class walked out in the middle of the class; she said her tummy was aching from all the candies she ate the previous night. I am wondering how much she actually ate to get sick.
I am done with all my whining. I feel fortunate at what I am able to do and feel like a big weight is off my shoulders. And I am listening to:
Echoes